The whole communication experience

I am by no means a perfect communicator nor a fantastic blogger. That said, I have an immense passion for communication. It comes from many sources. The fact that I was severely misunderstood when I was a child is one of them. Conversely, I had a lot of trouble understanding the other kids. I never wanted to be a part of a tribe and I looked for ways to always be original. Whenever someone bought certain shoes for example, they instantly became dull to me. Although this hasn’t changed, in recent years I got more and more curious about why some people got along with others and me…well not so much. I have had friends and I’m not a creep (lol), but there was (and still is) a long way for me to become master communicator. My mom and her communication skills, her warmness and how she dealt with people were another thing that made me look at the world and wish I had all of that.

Hence why I started improving (and I started from a super low point). There is this eloquent saying my mother always tells me that I want to share with you: “Before we were born, we stood in different queues. Some stood in brain intelligence queues (IQ) others waited for emotional intelligence (EQ). There are beauty queues, athletic queues and many others. You just can’t stand in all of them”… and I definitely didn’t stand in the EQ one at all. I might have missed it. I don’t know, but this is how I used to communicate with people:

  • prolonging my speech and constantly losing the train of thought. I came back to previous sentences many times and repeated the same words, until my listeners wanted to kill themselves
  • I didn’t really develop stuttering but was close to it and it sometimes occurred in stressful situations
  • I couldn’t say the letter “r” at all
  • Looking a person in the eyes felt like a straight up torture
  • my body language was undoubtedly saying “stop bothering me” and “I’m not a likeable person” through looking down on people closing myself up and smirking when someone said something dumb
  • My speech was arrogant, snobby and dull – if you watched “The Office” then I was Dwight 

Realising this made me want to advance in the field of communication. So I began research. I scavenged through dozens of books and content online. Unfortunately, most of it is useless, unhelpful and in some cases harming. My quest didn’t end, I am more heading til the middle rather than the end of it, but I want to share here what I have learned and my goal is to create the best source on the topic of communication ever existed.

Here I will post 3 Levels Communications Workout Plan with all the theory, exercises and examples of practical use. I’m gonna be a living experiment. I will try these tactics (some of them I already have tried) and show you the results.

3 Levels included in The whole communication experience will be:

Beginner

Intermediate

Master

Beginner level doesn’t mean that it is only for those people who can’t say a word properly. Quite the opposite, it’s for everybody to check if they already have that skills mastered. The reason I decided to group all of the different tactics and skills into levels is because I believe that some of the skills are easier to learn than other ones. That’s why if I were to start this journey all over again I would appreciate to learn things gradually, so to improve most efficiently and not to jump from topic to topic, ending up with whole lotta reading and 0% improvement.

Beginner level consists of 3 basics of communication:

  • Maintaining eye contact – eyes are the primary of communication is how we establish the connection and bond with each other
  • Smiling – positive energy generates positive energy. The reciprocation of emotions is real and while we will dig much deeper into the subject of smile, the cliché “just smile” is a fairly good advice to follow if you had only 3 seconds to study the idea of good communication 
  • Looks – don’t assume I mean wear only posh, expensive clothes as I’m not all the other nonsense, easy to gobble lifestyle blogs/youtubers. It’s rather the whole package (the way you maintain yourself, the manners, bad body language habits like picking your nose and lastly how to communicate through clothes)
 
Obviously it’s my arbitrary decision to put these skills onto the beginner level, but in my modest opinion, these are the easiest to learn and those that provide the fastest progress. Also I think they are just plain fundamentals, because you can say all you want, but if you look the other way, frown on me and have tomato sauce all over your t-shirt nobody ain’t taking you serious.
 
That brings us back to the Verbal, Nonverbal and Paraverbal aspects of communication.
There is Verbal communication – “It’s what you say”
There is Non-verbal communication – “It’s what your body says”
And there is Paraverbal communication – “It’s how you say it”
 
“Fail and get better”
 
 Intermediate Level is way broader and covers all of the 3 pillars of communication in great detail:
  • Eliminate all bad communication habits – Exchange the “yyyy” and “ummm” for Silence
  • Start Listening – You might think that your biggest problem is in being unable to talk properly. That may be true, but 99% of the time it’s more in the listening part. As Buddha said “When we talk, we don’t listen”
  • The principles of the Talking Game
  • Humor
  • Body Language
  • all of the Paraverbal – Voice, etc.
  • Decoding the message from others
  • Read other’s body language
  • Build things to talk about (Dialogue Constructor)
  • Build experiences (?)

 

“Be yourself – The best version of it”

 

Master Level is mostly about practice and niches inside communication skills like:

  • Social Dynamics
  • Proxemics
  • Acting skills
  • Negotiation
  • Leader skills
  • Selling skills
  • Advertising skills
  • Persuasion skills
  • Public Speaking
  • The talking game vol.2
  • Empathy vol.2
  • Meeting new people
  • Relationships and maintaining them

 

“We can’t be perfect, but we can try”

 

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